Commander Elena Vasquez has a story about lux. It's not a celebration story.
"I told her three times. In zero-G, the bubbles don't rise — they stay in your stomach. You will be sick." The guest laughed. Called Vasquez "the help."
Twenty minutes later, Vasquez was cleaning vomit off the observation cupola while the guest's boyfriend filmed her.
"That's the video he wanted. The astronaut on her knees with a cloth. He said his followers would love it."
"I trained for twenty years. I walked on the Moon. And I'm mopping up after people who think the laws of physics don't apply to them."
— Commander Elena VasquezVasquez worked aboard Aurora Peak — the private station owned by mining trillionaire Lin Zheng — from 2030 to 2032 as part of SpaceBnB's "Legacy Crew" programme.
But the incident that pushed her over the edge wasn't lux vomit. It was something far more serious.
'It Floated Into The O2 Filters'
Jordan K., a crew member who offers "companion services" on the station, had just finished an intimate booking with a guest. Jordan — who spoke to The Mirrour on condition we note they follow strict hygiene protocols — insists they always clean up immediately after sessions.
"I've done hundreds of bookings. I'm completely professional. I use containment protocols, I clean everything, I've never had an incident. This client just got... overexcited. It happens. I had it under control within seconds."
— Jordan K., SpaceBnB crew memberBut in zero gravity, "seconds" can be too long. A small amount of fluid escaped the sleeping pod and drifted through the module before Jordan could contain it.
It ended up inside the emergency oxygen recycling unit.
"I found it during a routine safety check," Vasquez says. "Biological contamination in the backup O2 system. The system we'd need if primary life support failed. The system that keeps everyone alive."
She reported it immediately. Station management logged it as a "minor hygiene incident."
'You Say No, You Pass Them On'
SpaceBnB operates under "flags of convenience" — offshore jurisdictions with minimal regulation. Crew set their own service boundaries. But Vasquez says the pressure is relentless.
"A guest asked if I 'did overnights.' Right after I'd talked his girlfriend through her first spacewalk. She was still crying from the beauty of it. He asked right there, in front of her."
"You say no, you pass them on. No friction. Five stars."
SpaceBnB is suing Vasquez for £4.2 million, claiming she breached her NDA by speaking to an academic researcher. Her crowdfunding defence has raised £340,000.
"They're not suing me because I hurt them. They're suing me to shut me up."
Jordan, for their part, bears no ill will. "Elena's a legend. Genuinely. I just wish she understood that the industry's changed. We're not astronauts anymore. We're hosts. And that's okay."
Vasquez shakes her head. "I walked on the Moon. I will not let my legacy be: 'She was very professional when the client asked about extras.'"